A Lil’ Mother’s Day Humor
Posted by RJ on May 11, 2008
…We’re all entitled to a few laughs…
Call your mother and tell her how thankful you are that she made you such a strong woman. Remind her that it was her late night sexcapades, drunkeness, and teen porn pics on the internet that provided your foundation.
Call your friend that is pregnant with her first child and say, “Bitch, this day ain’t for you! Slow your role and wait for next year!”
Offer your babymama 1/2 of the $10K in arrears that you owe in exchange for her “pardoning” the other half. Whisper in her ear that all the rest of your babymamas didn’t get this one-time special.
Tell your father that his boyfriend was a great maternal inspiration to you. Don’t forget to mention how you’ve been in counseling for the past 20 years.
Plug Dr. Martin Luther King’s speech and share stories with your children about how successful you were, and would have been, had they not interrupted your dreams.
Inform your wife that you are going on a trip to celebrate her day. Ask her to pack your hunting knife, a few garbage bags, and the rubber gloves. Then ask her if she’s had any Orange Juice today.
Send your sister a Mother’s Day e-card with photos attached from your trips to Jamaica, the Bahamas, and Paris, displaying, “Wish you were here!”
Call your grandmother and tell her you wish SHE had been your real mother. Let her know that the daughter she raised (your mother), must have lived in a completely dysfunctional household with unloving parents.
Contact your local social service agency (tomorrow) and complain about not getting extra benefits immediately for being pregnant with your sixth child. Threaten to write a press release.
Show your husband pictures of what HE used to look like before YOU became a mother. Have him explain why the hell he is fatter than you. Tell him that your other babydaddy looks waaay better.
Constantly reiterate to your boyfriend how you’d love to become a mother. Scold him for ruining your fertility with that chlamydia he passed to you 15 years ago. Laugh to yourself about getting your tubes tied secretly.
Become a video vixen and see how many babies you can have with different men in the music industry. Justify your actions with evidence from 50 Cent’s lyrics, “Have a baby by me, baby,…” (I Get Money)
Happy Mother’s Day!
